Friday, June 17, 2005

Today is My Birthday

I am now 26 years old. It's pretty young. I still have a lot to do, a lot to learn. Blah blah blah. I've been sleeping all day, had an anxiety attack this morning, god knows where the fuck those come from. I have a theory about why they come and go, but it only really pertains to me...maybe to you too. Being in new places, not feeling safe, but not so seriously that it makes you totally freak out, only midly enough to make you cry on the street in front of perfect strangers. I'm glad Jay was there to say "It's ok to cry." And then hail a cab so we could go home and sleep. I didn't feel like making a special video today so you get to look at a video of me in a nice dress. Maybe you'll even read this text.


Feynman said...

Dude my birthday is the 19th

alexander said...

Hey ryanne Happy Birthday.

Matthew Clayfield said...

Well, I read the text, at least, and, yes, it is okay to cry.

Happy birthday.

Chris Daniel said...

Happy Birthday Ryanne!

Zadi said...

Ryanne: Happy Birthday. I totally dig your dress.

I know where you're coming from. Crying helps. It gets all that stuff out. :) I felt like that all of last week... I didn't have a birthday though. But yeah, new places, surroundings, not having your family around, it's tough, but it's courageous. You're living a great life and being very productive.

26? Wait till 29, that was a tough one. 30 was a breeze. Anyway, it gets better.

"Why do we fall? So we can pick ourselves up" Sorry I keep on quoting Batman Begins because it was freakin' awesome. Go see it and you'll feel better. :)

Hope you enjoy your birthday weekend!


Anonymous said...

I allways read the text and I feel i can empathize with what you say, you are strong and committed, all the best.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!
I was hospitalized for severe anxiety af few years ago. Fixed now.
Love, Madge

Gemini_II said...

Happy Birthday Ryanne!

I wish today was going better for both of us. It just means that tomorrow will have to be fabulous.

Nice dress. It's OK to cry. And I read the whole post.


Dennis said...

Happy Birthday!

bloodshot and half-blind said...

happy birthday, girl! 26 is a really good age. get all the stress out now, so you can enjoy it. wait till you hit 30... that one had me in bed for a week!

Anonymous said...

Whenever i feel like crying, i go dancing. Hope you otherwise enjoyed your birthday!

Faux Press said...

Oh - Ryanne - hugs - and happy birthday wishes. Totally understand. So much future! So much now!

You have a huge community that respects you and wishes you all the best.

Devin said...

I've always felt very weak a lot of the time. I find it very difficult to cry. At times in my life, I wouldn't cry for months. Emotion is important in life, I think. But 'good' and 'bad' emotions. I'm proud of you for crying. I only wish I could be as brave as you.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Ryanne.

You rock.

Tim McFarlane said...

Happy Birthday. I hope you were able to enjoy it despite the anxiety. You look great in the dress, too :)

Markus Sandy said...

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Ryanne ..."


Does anyone have a creative commons licensed alternative to that song?

A.O. Flores said...

Happy B-day Ryanne. Your in my thoughts as life can sometimes seem out of control.


Anonymous said...

Parabéns Ryanne!

Mike Phelan O'Toole said...

Hi Ryan! I hope NYC is treatin' you well. And yes, it's okay to cry about shit. All us artists are messed up a bit. It often comes with the job. haaa

I wish you the best, and I'm sure you will be rocking the vlog!


Mike Phelan O'Toole said...

Hi Ryan! I hope NYC is treatin' you well. And yes, it's okay to cry about shit. All us artists are messed up a bit. It often comes with the job. haaa

I wish you the best, and I'm sure you will be rocking the vlog!


Mike Phelan O'Toole said...

Hi Ryan! I hope NYC is treatin' you well. And yes, it's okay to cry about shit. All us artists are messed up a bit. It often comes with the job. haaa

I wish you the best, and I'm sure you will be rocking the vlog!


Scott W. said...

Happy Birthday Ryanne
You're a killer in that dress,
Oh sweetie do not cry
Your mascara will be a mess!

No, really, you can cry
You need to let it out,
And if that doesn't work
Fuck it - kick, scream, or shout!

I hope you feel better today
I've said a little prayer,
'Cause you are or vlogging goddess
And I hope you know WE CARE!

Scott W. said...


'or' should be 'our'
in that next to last line.

I've GOT to proof read better!

dltq said...

Birthdays are hell. I remember when I turned 26 last year, it was like *WTF?!*

This year, when I turned 27, it was even worse. Damn, I am DEFINITELY closer to 30 than 20 now.

Some day we will turn 39 and start feeling the weight of middle life. But hey, there is a LONG time untill then, so let's do what we can with the time we have. I guess that is what I learned yesterday. See my latest vlog for explanation :)

Happy birthday belated! Sorry I wasnt around On your day. Oh well.

Raymond /

Anonymous said...

Ah, the delight of blogs. Now you have posted this message and this video you will stay 26 for ever, at least in this small corner of the internet.

You, your lovely dress, and all these birthday wishes remain, crystalized but still sparkling.

Happy eternal birthday Ryanne.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday!

Anonymous said...

Birthdays can be great or terrible, but they will occur, no matter how we feel about them. Since I am thirty years older than my daughter Ryan, I'm just thankful to be having birthdays! Age is just a state of mine--or it is "mind"? Choose to be happy! I love you, Ryan!!

fastmovinganimals said...

Happy Birthday!!!

jason talbot (jjfever5k) said...

holy shit dude you get so many comments! happy birthday dude. it was good to see you, i miss you!

Doug said...

Happy belated birthday Ryanne!!! We love you!

Nurse2B said...

Happy Birthday! Of course I read your text. Too bad birthdays aren't always as upbeat as we are expecting. You look great in the dress and that's a totally amazing tattoo. Be well.... sending happy thoughts your way.

Karen said...

hEY..Belated Happy Birthday...wish you all the best...u dont know me but ur cool...rock on!!

Clark ov Saturn said...

AHHH! Why am I so far behind on my ANT viewing?
Anyway, Happy Belated Birthday, Ryanne! Nice dress, it looks vietnamese? and glad you're ok. In the library yesterday a woman was crying while checking something out, it was so sad. Reminded me of a difficult time when I could barely keep it together, constantly either in tears or on the verge on the train, etc. But all things arise and pass away, feelings, sensations, every phenomenon, good or bad. And it feels sooo good after a good cry, right? Such a release and clarity.

R said...

Happy Birthday, girl! Nice dress. I get those panics too. Deep breathing and exercise seems to help.

Jay Dedman said...

just come and be with me.

Quirk said...

Here's an alternative birthday song called "Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary" from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It is sung in a screaming metal falsetto accompanied by a distorted guitar soloing dischordantly:

"Deep within the womb of time,
a creature thus be born
The seed of life is united with
the egg of tyranny
Gestates forth from within the womb of life
for three-quarter and nigh a year
The creature thus be born!
The creature thus be formed!
And ye of years...
[26 bells]
Will chime!
When the heavens open up
and drink from the silver cup
The creature thus be born!
And blow the magic horn!
To alert the spirit deep within the cycle of life.
The creature has begun it's journey deep forlorn,
upon this day which he be formed
In the sea of mucus the spirit rides down from the mountain
and unites with the creature in the womb
A holy union, dark mortality, until the dark mortality
breaks the chain of life
The creature thus be born
And every year raineth down the celebratory tears
A celebration of the years
from mere mortal sky"

Happy birthday Ryanne (creature).

Levois said...

Happy birthday!!!

Myke said...

Happy Birthday! I turned 24 on the 10th.

Jack Lee said...

Panic attacks?

I used to have those. If you want to really do something about them, then you need to understand the nature of your subconscious mind, because I promise that there's a balief system about yourself that's causing them.

Panic attacks are a mild form of multiple personality disorder, rooted in some deep traumatic issue that you haven't been able to look at yet.

Theer's plenty you can do to get over them. This video blog will help. Just explore it in whatever ways you want, but be easy on yourself!

Crew Koos said...

Your blog is great !!
Happy Birthday !!

Do not hesitate in visiting mine !

supersecretdancesociety said...

hey, happy birthday!...
I had my very first panic attack (paired with extreme exhaustion no less!) the same day as you! (oh how the universe aligns...hmmm...) we actually had to call an ambulance because my heart was beating out of control and I was incredibly disoriented, etc... basically I thought I was dying - fortunately that was not the case.
So yes, happy birthday - I hope you get cake and icecream and sweet care and hugs...enjoy nyc for me...
(; ~a.

Annie said...

i'm catching up on videoblogs. i'm sad that i didn't see this one until now. well, happy belated birthday!

sometimes, you just have to cry. it really does feel good. i have monthly breakdowns where i'll just sob for 5 minutes straight. it may also be due to my period. whatever. ;)

Anonymous said...

Burying this comment among the 40-somethings.
Been out, not watching too much either.
Sometimes life gets in the way of video.
Sometimes they gel. Caught up with you now.

Anonymous said...

Happy belated birthday.

Long time "listener" first time "caller".

You do interesting things and have a great point of view.

Keep your chin up.